1. They combine equal portions of vegetables, dairy and meat. We're always being told to eat a healthy mix of foods, and that 50% of any plate of food should be vegetables – with tacos, that’s pretty much the only way you can make them!
2. They're easy to prepare. Blind bake some shells for 5 minutes, cut up tomatos and lettuce, cook a bit of mince, and you've got a fun family meal for 6; or days of food to prepare meals-for-one.
3. They rarely require you to associate with actual Mexicans. Tacos are a classic Mexican dish that you don't have to go to the foothills of Juarez or Vallejo to enjoy. Great for eaters on a travel budget! You can source shells, salsa, and flavouring mixes from just about any supermarket; they're usually not even sold or advertised by real Mexicans! So no need to 'double glove' at the food market.
4. They're easy to pack for school or work lunches. Just like a lunch time citrus snack, tacos are food that comes in their own durable shell packaging. You can prepare them quickly in the morning from pre-cooked ingredients, then slap on the salsa and they're good to go! Their size makes them easy to fit in lunch boxes, briefcases, or backpacks; and get this, they even stack — what a super food!
5. They lubricate your esophagus with essential fats and glazes. The winter months can be dry and unforgiving on your skin - but don't forget the effect Jack Frost can have on your tender, inner-body meat surfaces. Just like real red meat, body-meat also needs lubrication in succulent juices and fatty substrates - a taco is just the ticket to an un -tickly food tract.
6. They won’t prevent you from enjoying other Mexican cuisine. Okay - we get it, you're an intrepid gourmand who won't take "Mexicans" for an answer - but don’t worry if you also love a home-cooked quesadilla or a food vender’s flautas (and who doesn't!). Tacos are non-denominational - that means you can enjoy them as well as, or even on the same plate as, other Mexican foodstuffs. Great!
7. All the top celebs eat them. Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Neil Patrick Harris, Selena Gomez and even Jim Simpson – they all love the parabolic prandial! And if they can maintain a busy career and the body of a dancer while eating these snacks, who can blame them?
8. They are impervious to gender classification. Unlike politically troublesome foods like bananas, grapes and pork loin, there isn’t much of a gender identity to tacos. They’re hollow and you fill them with meat – who's going to accuse you of sexual innuendo or un-PC comments on gender identity with a food as plain as that? Plus, tacos are loved by people of all identifications – gay, straight, trans, and the other two. It’s the most inclusive food there is ;)
9. They're super tasty and filling. Some would maintain that pizza is the king of dinner fast-foods - it's filling, delicious, and covered in melted cheese, after all. But the taco offers all those things and more — it has a much lower carb-to-content ratio, it doesn't get dry and stick to the top of the box, and the topping combinations are just as limitless. Why not try bacon bits and anchovies next time!
10. Nobody has ever choked on a taco. It’s a quirky bit of historical trivia, but nobody has ever choked on a taco. Try filling them with pepper, pen caps, cotton balls – you name it, it won't choke you if it's in a taco shell. In fact, scientists are so baffled by this phenomenon that they've named it "the Sapier-Rohans Effect", after the two scientists John Sapier and Greg Rohans who both ate 500 tacos each at separate locations and never choked on a single one. Some believe the effect has to do with the taco’s innate ability to prevent itself from falling down the wells and sink-holes common in colonial Mexico, ejecting tiny spring-loaded hooks into the wall of any vertical tunnel, similar to the technology used to prevent elevator cars falling if the cable snaps.
11. They don't scream when you eat them. Even with their tiny tubular mouths and rows of miniature, crunchy teeth, tacos cannot and will not scream. Go nuts – you’ll never have to feel the guilt of "mandragora's curse" with this delicious snack food!
12. They never dry out. Sick of looking over to your morning yogurt cup to find the office air-conditioning has turned it into a dry dustbowl of cracked chalk? Yuck – but not a fate the humble taco must endure! Tacos contain special glands that produce natural lubricating jelly, meaning tacos will never dry out. Leave one on your desk all day at work, and see what happens! Science is so weird.